After watching episode two of the Dr. Phil “House of Judgement”, I feel as though I must offer my manpologies to the mystery man with the mohito who was misleadingly maligned in a montage of mentalist mug-shots.
Sir, never would I actually recommend that you date a woman like Shirley. In fact, I would never recommend to any man that they date a woman like Shirley. That woman has so much baggage, the inside of her head is a psychological Santa’s sleigh — and every box is full of shit. Unfortunately, Montgomery Brewster’s famous “none of the above” was not an option.
I’ll be writing a dating guide eventually, but here’s a snippet that should keep all you men safe from such human-disasters.
Q: Are you or have you ever been a model?
If the answer is “yes”, hit the pavement faster than she can hit you up to pay down her credit card bills.
For those of you playing at home, you may have noticed that our mutually selected “ideal matches”, as Dr Phil called them, rested entirely on two mitigating factors.
For her: Shirley needed someone to rely on, who could pay for the mistakes of past men, and who would represent her strong religious views to her family and peers. For a woman, image is of the utmost importance, and Shirley’s prejudices toward religion and against alcohol were never more prominent.
For him: I appreciate a big rack. The legs were entirely inconsequential.