I used to think the only things I had in common with Jesus were a mug of manly facial hair, a penis, and the divine knowledge that men are better than women. Men are better than women. Jesus knew it, I know it, and so does every man on Earth. Buy my new book Men Are Better Than Women for proof that Jesus believed exactly that. It’s right on the first page.
Here’s something else we have in common.
Persecution
Plenty of people were total dicks to Jesus because he spoke the truth. He didn’t even shove it down their throats. He just sat around and answered questions — just like I did on the Dr. Phil program.
See, when your ideas are worth something, men will seek them out on their own. No advertising is necessary. Women don’t understand that because the only reason anyone ever comes looking for a woman is to bury their Johnson.
Here is a list of ways I have been fucked with this week for preaching the gospel of manliness to the masses:
1. Facebook deleted my account because of pissed off women. If Facebook had been around in Jesus’ time, you can bet your ass his account would have been deleted. However, thanks to the mighty man-brain of manly man-man Maurice free speech was upheld and I was speedily able to plant my flag of manliness back up half of Facebook’s ass.
Fuck you, ladies.
2. Feminists at Gendou.com attempted to DDOS attack MenAreBetterThanWomen.com over a period of 48 hours. Let me assure you that I shoved that chili pepper right back up their sandy vagina like it was a used, Tabasco-soaked condom. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, start listening to Tom Leykis immediately.
3. Amazon sold out of my book.
Lose no sleep over that third one, however. The books were re-stocked instantly thanks to the thousands of men who drive trucks across the country every day and lift crate after crate of impossibly heavy items off warehouse shelves too high for women to even fathom just to keep the world running.
Men and women are equal? A woman wouldn’t lift a finger to stop a child from getting its ass kicked. Atlas lifted the entire goddamn world.
Fact.