As I watched the final episode of my tenure on Dr. Phil, I was struck by one burning question:
What the fuck happened to Shirley?
Apparently, others were struck by this too as my email box was quickly filled with the poorly punctuated rantings of inquiring minds.
What the fuck happened to Shirley?
At the end of episode three, you the television audience were teased with mention of a mystery dinner guest who was going to bring chaos and discord into the House of Judgment — possibly provoking one house member beyond the brink of womanly insanity. Then, in the start of episode three, we were given no such dinner guest, a new change of clothes, and a missing psychotic housemate with no mention or explanation. Even a woman could spot the missing piece of that story. Something fucking happened.
As I told the producers at the onset of the show, if some shrieking harpy who needs to lose 30 pounds before she attempts to bag another unfortunate man thinks she’s going to fuck with me, she’s got another thing coming. I’m a man and when I say I won’t be fucked with, you can bet on it. I figured it might come down to some kind of verbal trouncing or a sob fest on her part full of self-loathing and emotions that are too lame to have Disney dwarves named after them. No one gives a fuck about your feelings. However, it did not reach such a manly zenith.
Being all too human, I myself underestimated the raw power of unmitigated manliness that is The Penis.
The mystery house guest was a naked man. A witty, affable guy who happened to have a naked penis.
I have seen plenty of extreme reactions to the naked penis. Usually, I see them in the bedroom. And while shrieking does commonly follow, I have never seen a reaction so loud or one that ended in a woman leaving.
The Penis: 1
Women: 0